


Curiosity Killed the Cat

by Welppp



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Alternate Universe - Succubi & Incubi, Anal Sex, F/M, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Sex Magic, Unrequited Crush, Very Minor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 14:43:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19087153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Welppp/pseuds/Welppp
Summary: We all know Ross is a monster fucker. So what happens when he discovers that his friends and fanboy crush Dan Avidan is an incubus? Particularly an incubus who's been having trouble feeding? Heartbreak, naturally.





	1. The Long, Drawn-Out Weeks

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Everyone, thanks for clicking! This fic is apart of the 2019 Big Sexbang Challenge, so check out all the other cool fics in this rad, 18+ collection! Click for an amazing playlist to bop along to [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1hTYqvYByWLcpfpio0Mjk7?si=aSe-wNlTSXCrq5-2KuUd1g) Aaaaaaaannnd hold up I just got to the Florence + The Machine track and I'm screaming?!?!?! Thank you Kaylee, my spotify has been severely improved.
> 
> The following fic starts around summer 2013 and then does some funky time stuff as in it does not line up with any correct timeline at all! Don't think about it too much!!!
> 
> Ao3 is kind of weird with formatting, and I'm still working it out. Sometimes it imported the em dash, sometimes it didn't so whenever you see a box that I didn't catch, its an em dash.
> 
> Want some more exclamation points? Here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He wished she would stop staring at him. He didn’t want what she offered with her shiny lip gloss and manicured nails tapping at the bar counter. In one hand, she held a blood-red drink while the other cupped her face. Even as she sipped carefully, deliberately, with her lips pursing together in a small heart, her gaze never lifted from him. He couldn’t see her, because he refused to meet that ravenous stare, but he could feel it eat across his skin. Up, down, linger on the face, then back down and up. Apparently, the corner he skulked in wasn’t dark enough. What was the point of all this dim mood lighting if everyone can see each other anyway?  


The night was dead, with the street quiet and the bar not even half full. In a bar just a half a mile from a college campus, and nobody was out to have fun. Except for her, and he didn’t want her. He continued to count the empty chairs to avoid her unrelenting eyes. A woman with no qualms about staring in public. It wasn’t just her. He didn’t want any of them, specifically. Just needed them. He was so hungry.  


He looked up, frowning, and she sauntered over, drink raised like a trophy. He wished that she wouldn’t come closer, but how do you tell a stranger that? It’s not that he didn’t find her attractive, for she was, with wide hips meant for swaying and smooth skin meant for tracing, but he wasn’t here for that.  
“I’m too old for this.” He muttered to himself, then she was there. Next to him, her hungry eyes pinned him down.  
“Would you like to share a drink?” Her arousal drifted toward him, tickled and poked. Open wide. He licked his lips. She tasted like soup on a rainy day. It warmed him up from the inside out and left him parched. But he said to her.  
“I don’t drink.”  
She ignored his hesitancy, his dismissal, and stepped closer. She was a hunter just as much as he was, with her eyes on the prize. He could feel his body gravitate to her, try to lean into her excitement. It washed over him anyway, dunking his head under, but his hands wanted to get closer, close enough to touch and pull out more.  
“Then what are you doing in a bar?” She whispered his false pout. She thought she was being playful but had no idea what she played with. The instant she reached out to brush his arm with those finely pointed nails, he jolted away. He shot straight out of his seat and headed for the door. “What the fuck, asshole?” He heard her hiss behind him, but he had to leave. Get out in the open night and air out. Before he forgot himself and did something stupid while drunk on her desire and bedroom eyes.  
As he swung open the door, he gulped down one last mouthful, tried to drain the dregs. It was like licking crumbs off fingertips after the feast. He wanted to eat, to glut himself like a vulture, but instead he left so hungry.

***

Ross knew he should keep his eyes to himself. Carly, his best friend, warned him to reel in the goo-goo eyes three times now, but he can’t help himself. And he wasn’t “making goo-goo eyes”, he was actually… concerned.  
Across the crowded dining table, Dan’s face was so pale. The man already was a pretty white guy, not that Ross had much room to talk, but this wasn’t right. It didn’t look healthy. So, he was… concerned. Ross kept flicking his gaze back to the heavy bags and gaunt cheeks. It wasn’t helping that Dan barely ate from the glorious buffet of sushi spread out before them. Ross watched him pick here and nibble there all while stumbling through animated story about his day at work.  
One of his coworkers had been stuck in the restroom for 45 minutes without toilet paper, too embarrassed to ask for help until he confided in Dan over text, but then the door was locked, or the provided roll was dropped or something else happened. It was stupid. It had everyone at the table captivated. It had Arin snorting mango bubble tea up his nose. It was times like this that Ross wondered if he was dreaming. Dan always looked like a dream, if maybe a terribly sick on at the moment. But all eyes were on him just the same. Ross’s certainly were. He told himself that Dan was just that charismatic even if it felt like magic.  
He should say something Dan’s health to Arin. Maybe they were working him too hard, between Grumps, Steam Train, and didn’t the guy have a 9-to-5 job and wasn’t he in a band?! Ross didn’t know how Dan could do it all. But as he noted the shaking of the man’s hands, he guessed that it didn’t come without a price to pay. Ross worried the inside of his cheek. He should say something, but he didn’t know what to say. Whenever Dan looked in his direction, his hands became all sweaty and all his concerned words disappeared from his head.  
“Hey Dan, are you sure-”  
“ Oh Ross, you want to start recording Steam Train soon?”  
“…Sure.” And off they went to seclude themselves into a smelly, dark room where Ross got swept up in putting on a show. They had to really give it all to sell it to the lovelies who didn’t quite want to love them yet. It wasn’t romantic at all, and yet when their hands brushed, Ross had to try very hard not let his blush show. Dan would pull back after every time and try to put some distance between them but there wasn’t much room to begin with. They always seem to bump back together again. Ross tried not to treasure it every time like a loser with the fattest, dumbest crush, but his heart felt like it could burst.  
And yet… he was concerned.

***

Weeks later, it was another Steam Train session recorded late into the night. As they worked through the session, with each episode they recorded, more of those pesky questions pushed to spring out of his mind. He couldn’t think of anything else, his mouth didn’t want to say anything else. He wanted to be polite, he didn’t want to make a fuss, but…  
“Aw, fuck it.”  
“You okay, Ross?” Dan perked up from beside him, turning to check-in but dying in the game. He cursed and laughed, but his face bunched in concern at Ross who remained stone-faced.  
“Yeah. Next time on Steam Train, we’ll be smarter and figure this out.”  
“Don’t make promises we can’t keep! Bye!” Dan bubbled with enthusiasm as he closed them out, and Ross sank lower onto the couch. As soon as he wrote down the time, Dan seemed to deflate like a poorly-tied balloon. In just a moment of silence, the bags under his eyes darkened, his hair fell limp on his forehead, his body weighted to the couch with a hundred pounds. Yet he glanced over at Ross and had the audacity to ask, “Okay, I think you need a break, man. Want anything from the kitchen?”  
Like he was perfectly fine, like Ross couldn’t count the knobs of his spine, like his hand didn’t shake as he put down the pen. Dan stood to go hunt for snacks, checking his phone to see if Arin and Suzy were on their way back from their dinner date, but Ross jumped up with him and blocked his way to the door.  
“Um, actually, Dan, I wanted to ask if you were okay. You look like a ghoul.” Dan blinked at him taken aback, a hand wandering to his apparently ghoulish face. Ross cursed his stalling brain and rushed to explain himself. “Sorry, I mean that you look kind of sick today. Actually, you’ve been looking sick for a while. Your face is pale, you’re always tired, and thin as a rail, yet you hardly ate anything at dinner before we started. I’m sorry I’m creepy for noticing, but really, I almost never see you eat or at least halfway finish what you start. Sitting next to you doing Steam Train, well, it feels like you’re about to break.”  
Ross clamped his mouth shut. His fingers were a crumpled mess in his shirt, but he forced himself to stay quiet to the point where he was barely breathing. Dan stared down at him with his lips parted in shock. Then he just sat back down on the couch, not looking at much of anything. A beat of silence stretched between them, with Dan’s fingers drumming fast on his skinny leg, and the game’s lilting music looping back on itself. Ross took the part of him that was so worried, taking everything out of proportion, to the back of mind and walloped it into submission. He berated himself for being so stupid.  
Then Dan patted the couch cushion next to him, a silent request. Ross plopped down, grimaced at himself for sitting too close, his leg jostling Dan’s knee. He always sits just a bit too close when they get on this shitty couch. But Dan doesn’t pull back, just turns to him and eyes the closed door. He sighs, his frizzy curls standing straight up from his head like they were electrified. Ross has never seen a man look so beautiful even when he looked like shit, but he kept that to himself in the dark corner with the part of him that worried. Dan spoke, and he focused every jittery part of him on listening.  
“Ross, that’s very sweet of you to be so concerned about me.” Most of him was focused on listening, a part of him had just died. Whether from embarrassment or from the fluttery feeling he didn’t like to name was undetermined. “But I promise you I’m not sick. I’m just a little… hungry.” The part of him that worried kicked into overdrive, spitting out what to do next, but Dan flapped his hands as his trying to put out and continued, “Not like you think though!” I am having trouble eating, but, god Ross, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I kind of am a ghoul. Well, demon, really. Incubus, specifically. Um, basically, I don’t need to eat human food.”  
Now all of Ross was confused. When he heard incubus, his mind brought up a picture of shadowed bedrooms and predatory seduction. Men with glistening skin, glowing red eyes, and great horns protruding from their heads. Women with full breasts, curved lips, and powerful wings simmering along their backs. Beings of dark magic and dark nights, ready to eat a human up or suck them dry.  
Ross blinked, coming back to himself. He saw just Dan, shifting on the couch, nervous by his silence.  
“What are you serious?”  
“Yes, I’m serious Ross! You got a problem with that?”  
“No! Um, shit, of course I don’t really care about that. You being an incubus or demon or well. You know, you’re my friend, I just, well—”  
“You’ve never met a demon before?”  
“I mean, no. I’ve seen plenty demon before, there’s plenty of you in L.A. or West Coast in general. You didn’t see, but the pizza girl had glowing eyes earlier. But you know, I’ve never known a demon past ‘hello’, and you don’t—”  
“Look like one?” Dan had a grin on his face and laughter in his voice. “You fucking racist.”  
“I am not!”  
“We don’t all look the same.”  
“Of course not, that’s not what I meant, you fuck!”  
“Using Incubus slurs now Ross, oh my god.”  
Ross punched Dan in the shoulder, trying to end his giggle fit, but he couldn’t keep a grim off his own face. When they settled, he reiterated.  
“That’s not what I meant. You don’t look like a demon at all. Just a normal dude named Dan. Wait, shit, not ‘normal.’ Um, just a human dude named Dan.” Dan laughed some more at his expense, but then he laid a warm hand on Ross’s shoulder.  
“I get it, don’t worry. I know I’m pretty boring, but I like to keep it that way, on the down-low side. California’s great in terms of demon-friendliness but it’s just easier that way.” Ross nodded, but he still side-eyed Dan, because while that made sense, it didn’t answer all his questions. He had a lot of those.  
“I get that means you don’t rely on our kind of food, but then why are you so sick?” Danny’s cheeks heated up to a bright red shade. “Are you having trouble getting some?”  
“Ross!”  
“What?!”  
“You don’t just ask people that, goddammit!”  
“You’re a demon, it’s a legitimate health concern! You still have to eat, man.”  
“I know that… it’s just kind of hard.” Dan mumbled quietly, almost to himself. Ross waited for the story and willed his face to keep utterly blank, devoid of any hint of judgement. Sometimes, his mouth twisted up into a shit-eating grin on its own, and he been told that pisses people off. Specifically, by Dan. “Look, you know that I haven’t been in a relationship for a while, and I’m not really into all that tinder, fucking strangers in restaurant bathrooms stuff. Don’t leer at me Ross, shut up.”  
Ross kept the smirk and the leer to a minimum. Sometimes his face was a jerk all on its own.  
“So, how are you not already dead? Are Incubuses Incubi?  Are they like camels?”  
“I’m about to spit on you like a camel if you keep talking. Zip it.” With sass in his hand, Ross zipped his lips and beckoned Dan to continue. Arin and Barry were going to be pissed to find them still not done with the session once they came home, but he had to know. Someone had to make sure Dan was alright, and no one else seem concerned that there was a skeleton wasting away amongst them. Dan kept talking, and Ross listened quietly for each word.  
“I go to nightclubs, gay bars sometimes after recording sessions. Its already midnight or later. Not to drink, or pick anyone up. I just sit there. Those places are drowning in sexual energy, everybody else there is looking to fuck, and I just sit and kind of take it all in. Maybe stoke the fire to get some couple to hook up in the corner. An hour or two in there, is enough to keep me going. But it’s not enough to really be… fulfilling.”  
“Oh, kind of like a juice cleanse?”  
“Um actually yeah, kinda exactly like that.”  
“You know, those are dangerous to do for too long too.”  
“I’m well aware it’s not ideal.”  
“Why don’t you just take someone home? Just once? You have special sex powers, right? An alluring presence, demon magic shit must make it easy to have your pick.” Did he sound hopeful? He tried not to sound hopeful. Dan fiddled with the keyboard on the couch arm. The game’s avatar twitched in circle around the screen.  
“Special sex powers? Dude, yes but we call it special cummy magic in the business. I used to do that when I was younger. But isn’t it manipulative? I’d just rather not play that game anymore.” Ross hummed in understanding, as he thought over the situation in a new light. Even demons have morals, he supposed. He opened his mouth once again, uncovering more questions every time he turned the predicament over, but Dan held up his hands in surrender and cried uncle.  
“Dude, I promise to answer whatever messed up shit you just thought of, but can we please just play video games and get this over with? I’m tired.” Nodding, Ross let it go. But as Dan took down the time and started up the game again, as they chimed in on the opener completely in sync, Ross eyed Danny and lingered on his glowing outline.  
***  
Ross had questions. A lot of them. And he fired them away with no mercy of when or where  
“So why do you eat human food? Like at all.”  
“I mean it, uh, still tastes good.” Dan was mid-bite of Nutella toast, working through the sticky hazelnut spread as he worked through the words. “Like there’s a lot I can’t eat anyway, but chicken will always taste good, whether you’re demonic or not.”  
*  
“Can people summon you?”  
“Jesus!” Dan jumped up from his notepad, a hand over his heart. He glared at Ross over his shoulder. “Years ago, yeah. But that part of my contract is over.”  
“Contract?”  
“Complicated. Just start the game, Ross.”  
*  
“Were you born? Like a mammal? Or made or turned or whatever?”  
“I get it from my mom. Part of the reason why Avi fell super, crazy hard for her like immediately, but you know it’s still genuine.” Dan’s short hair was pushed back from his headphones, the curly ends sticking up in all directions. Ross found the wall to be super interesting to look at.  
“So, you’re half-incubus?”  
“It’s not like ethnicity. Like if you’re an incubus, you’re an incubus, you know?”  
“No.” What the fuck kind of genetics was that?  
“Then just fucking google it.”  
*  
“Do you still shit?”  
“Ross!” Dan choked on his Pepsi, coughing up on himself. He didn’t get an answer for that one.  
*  
“Puberty must have been crazy then?”  
This got Dan to smile, a slow curve of his lips as his eyes grew far away.  
“You don’t even want to know, but for the record, Dana was much worse.”  
“Worse at what?”  
“I just said you don’t want to know!”  
*  
“…So, you’re that kind of—”  
“Go the fuck on.”  
“Jew.” Laughter.  
“I can make that joke, not you. Fucking racist piece of shit.” He said between giggles. He punched Ross gently in the arm.  
*  
“Does Arin know?”  
“Arin knew 15 minutes into our first lunch when we met.”  
“Wait, really?” Ross couldn’t stop a grimace from screwing up his face. The hot rush of jealousy was hard to stop up.  
“I mean have you seen Suzy? Girl has no qualms about playing into stereotypes.”  
“What, Suzy? Wha—”  
“Welcome back to Steam Train!”  
*  
“When you masturbate, is it like feeding off yourself?”  
“Dammit, Ross, no! It doesn’t work like that.”  
“So you don’t masturbate?” Ross had no picture in his wallet, but he’d put Dan’s sputtering face in there in a heartbeat to treasure always.  
“I—well— I did— didn’t say that.” It may have been mean, but Ross couldn’t stop cackling at the sex demon shy over a little wanking.  
*  
“Brian?”  
“Has a minor in Demon Biology. Says it’s all just science we don’t understand yet.”  
*  
“Aren’t you starving?” The question was said quietly, nervously, and it made Dan pause. His tongue held back his usual snapped retort. He didn’t have the energy to argue the logistics, so he didn’t answer. He wished Ross would stop worrying about it as he started the episode.

***

 

Ross had no questions today, only bad ideas. He glanced at Dan, texting beside him, oblivious to every worried stare. When Dan has sat on the couch, he had sighed with relief that Ross seemed to be done poking at him, concentrated on some other dumb thing. For all Ross had learned about Incubi, about Dan, the problem still stood. Dan’s face was still wane, his hands still faintly shook as he typed. Incubus or not, Dan was still hungry. Ross kept his eyes on the game’s loading screen.  
“Can you die of hunger?” Dan slumped further into the couch, preparing himself for the barrage. He was so tired.  
“Everyone needs to eat. I suppose that means everyone can die from not doing so too.” He expected Ross to fire another one at him, but the two remained suspended in silence. A light went off in Dan’s head, the cobwebs from another late night swept away, and he went over what Ross has asked him. “Dude, relax. I’m not exactly eating good, but that’s nothing new. I’m getting by.” Ross still didn’t look at him, didn’t appear to register his words at all. Dan lightly laid his hand over Ross’s on the computer mouse and hurried on. “It’s very sweet of you to be so concerned, I appreciate it, really. But you have-”  
Ross grabbed his hand, startling Dan. Then Ross said, “Feed on me.”  
Dan sputtered, blindsided, words failed to contain his shocked confusion. Ross steamrolled over his useless half words.  
“You need to eat right, more than just enough to ‘get by.’ Let me help.”  
“We can’t”  
“Are you not into boys?”  
“No, that doesn’t mat-”  
“Good, beggars can’t be choosers.”  
“Ross, it’s not a go-”  
“It’d be so easy to fix the-”  
“Jesus! I don’t want a relationship!”  
Ross snapped his mouth shut, his face heating. He had expected those words, had practiced hearing them over and over in his mind, yet why was he still so surprised? They stung, each one sharp as a knife. The force behind them, Dan now shouting at him hurt more.  
“I’m sorry. Didn’t mean that to come out so mean.” The loading screen was gone, a big, red start button had taken its place. It bounced up and down in place like a puppy. It was nauseating, if watched too closely. Neither of them clicked it.  
“I don’t want one either. It doesn’t have to be like that.” Ross didn’t know what he was saying, just kept running his mouth, lips flapping away like they always do. He’ll ask Holly to sew them together later. “Friends with benefits are a thing now.”  
“What?”  
“You know, bros jacking off bros, couple of friendly handies, brojobs.”  
“I know what it is, and that it never works out well.”  
“Yes they do. It’s the New Age, everyone’s fucking their friends.”  
“So you’re doing it with Holly?”  
“No! We’re just”  
“Friends. Like Suzy and Holly. Like me and Barry. Like you and Arin. Like you and I.” A headache started in Dan’s temple, pounding towards the base of his skull. It panged along with the hunger twisting up his guts. Between the two his whole body was a wrecking mess, a house held together with duct tape and push pins, poised to collapse. He needed to drink a large glass of water or something. Or something. Ross didn’t touch him but kept pushing.  
“Please let me help. It’d be easy enough to do, and I don’t mind.”  
“You don’t mind?”  
“I don’t. It’d mean nothing.” A lie, a terrible, terrible lie, he could never make the truth. Try as he might.  
“Promise me.”  
“I promise.”  
Dan remained frozen to the couch, hands to himself. Ross sighed, giving up. “Look, the offer is out there if you need it and change your mind. Whatever, you want to do, whatever you need, hit me up.” He went to write down the start time, when Dan sighed long and deep, his whole chest swelling up and puffing out.  
“Fuck it.” He could admit it; his body was in shambles. Between Steam Train, Game Grumps, the secret band project, and his 9 to 5 job, he was running on fumes and getting a little too worse for wear. He needed an adjustment. “I don’t know how to say this without being creepy.”  
“Hey, I offered man.”  
“Can you jack off and I’ll just sit here?”  
Ross raised his eyebrows, his face scrunched up at the proposal. Dan raise his own right back at him and refused to elaborate.  
“Isn’t that the same as skulking around a club? Do you get anything from that?”  
“Not if you finish. I need you to do that.”  
“I can try.”  
“I can help.”  
“Oh… right.” He’d forgotten for a second, it was so easy to when looking at Dan with his normal limbs and normal face. Utterly, deceptively human. Handsome as he is. The prospect of Dan watching him, all of his focus undivided on him and his body. And his dick. It left his stomach rolling over in somersaults. His hand inched towards his zipper, and he tried not to think about Arin and Suzy down the street hunting for ice cream or Barry bogged down with editing upstairs in a quiet place. Was it rude to do this here or even disrespectful? Arin probably wouldn’t be mad, maybe tease him about it, but Suzy would. This was her house, and she worked so hard to keep it clean for them to work. Barry would definitely be uncomfortable. He should have waited with his offer, at least until they were headed home. They’ll be caught, shamed, never to live it down.  
Ross frowned, his mind unable to settle. Dan helped. A fine mist rose from Dan’s palm, Ross glimpsed it curl up in the air before Dan slapped his hand on his arm and gripped tight. The mist felt like sauna steam, warm against his skin, but soon it spread up his arm, reached up to fill his head with the haze. Like it tinged his thoughts purple. That itself was a silly thought. Once his head was topped off, stuffed full, it turned around and crawled lazily back down his body, claiming every nerve on the way. His toes curled at the sensation, his mouth dropped open, like he could pant some of the heat out.  
“Is this alright?” His dick twitched to life at Dan’s question. As if called to attention, it tried to stand against the restraint of his pants. Dan didn’t touch him further, didn’t have to. The mist overflowed between his long fingers. Ross breathed it in and shivered. He wasn’t a smoker, never had a cigarette or joint in his life. But he took in the mist without a cough. At most, it tickled. At most, it felt good, so good, but there was no sensation on his skin, nothing for him to ground himself and focus. In answer, a simple word sprung out of the haze. _Cum._  
“This feels so weird, but also like someone is giving me a blowjob without any lips.”  
Dan laughed, rubbed his hand up and down Ross’s arm. Ross moaned, surprising himself with the sound bursting from his mouth. He ripped down his zipper, abused the pants button open, and plunged his hand past the flap of his boxers. Taking himself in hand, he stroked and, while it was rough with the calluses on his finger scratchy against his sensitive head, but god it still felt good. Too good.  
_Cum._  
The word urged his hand faster, to tighten his grip and pump. He had to cum. He had to do it, he’ll explode out of his skin if he waited any longer. From base to head, his hand jerked, each crank winding him up, his body tightening. Now that he was no longer a sex-crazed teenager, jacking off had become okay. It was a means to an end. When he was bored, when he was stressed, when he was furiously trying to forget how fucking hot his coworkers were. But this. This. Just gripping himself made him squirm as tingles broke out from his pelvis. Once he felt them, he couldn’t stop chasing the feeling even as it overwhelmed him. It was too much, too soon.  
_Cum._  
That single command wanted to rip it out of him, to set him exploding quick and dirty like a single firework. He felt the couch dip next to him. Heard Dan’s harsh breathing in his ear. The hand on his arm gripped tighter the nails digging in to almost break skin. He turned to the man and found Dan’s brown eyes trained on him. Heavy-lidded, lips apart, his face an open book of bliss and satisfaction. Because of him.  
Ross came, body going still as he blasted fucking ropes into his hand, the white slick overflowing between his fingers and dripping down onto his boxers. Then Dan was there, pressing so close into his personal space. His hands skimmed along Ross’s limp form, but they never dipped down to touch. Ross arched to connect with some part, any part of him, but Dan maintained the distance, however small, as he drank Ross down. He breathed the same air as him and groaned before a single shiver ran through him.  
He devoured Ross’s release, his desire, and after catching a glimpse of gritted teeth, Ross saw the wild animal inside. The one that glutted himself without any room for thought. Then he pulled back and the space left was cold. Ross sagged against the couch, exhaustion taking over him. He’d only jacked off, but his limbs felt tied to his sides, his lungs weighed down with sand bags. Every breath was a labor and ragged. He wanted to sleep for a week. After eating a sandwich. A while tray of sandwiches.  
“I might, ah, might have taken too much.” He rolled his head over to face Dan who gave him a tentative smile. “You should be fine in an hour or two. Maybe three?” It was only 4 in the afternoon, he still had work to do. They were in the middle of a damn Steam Train session. Dan raided the bathroom for tissues to clean Ross up who remained boneless and unmoving. Then Dan got him a glass of water and a handful of cookies. Then a cup of milk for the cookies when he asked with his voice low and feeble.  
Dan stood awkwardly beside the couch while he drank, and gingerly zipped his cock back into his pants, because Ross sure as fuck wasn’t going to do it himself. He was too tired to even be excited that Dan just touched his dick. Couldn’t even muster a twitch. But looking up at Danny and seeing the flush of color return to his cheeks and the energetic pep in his step, Ross couldn’t bring himself to be annoyed by the situation.  
“I’m sorry,” Dan said, biting the side of his cheek. “I didn’t mean to take so much out of you. Should have warned you. It just tasted so good.” The man shivered again, a full-body wracking. Ross twitched and took that to be a good sign. “Are you okay?” Dan was worried about him, the concern filling his face, wringing his hands. Ross glanced to the computer.  
“If you can handle that for the rest of the day, we’re totally good.” Dan clapped him the shoulder and bounced back to the couch.  
“Thank you, Ross. Really, man just… Thank you.”  
The lovelies railed on him for being boring and unfunny in the comment section weeks later, but Ross finished the recording period with an immovable grin.

***

 

He went to Carly first. To squeal, to brag, to laugh, or to cry, he didn’t know yet. She was running errands, so he rushed over to Whole Foods to find her in the produce section. The first thing did was tell him to shut up.  
“In the recording room? Ew, Ross.”  
“What?! We made do with what we had. Be happy for me!” She pulled her lips back from her teeth in a poor imitation of a smile to mock him.  
“I have to sit there too. We all do, and now-” She cut herself off, cringing at whatever mental image plagued her. Ross helped measure out a couple lemon on a scale.  
“He already looked so much better after, and it’s not like we left a stain.” Carly fake-vomited at the word ‘after’ but accepted the fruit.  
“I suppose that’s good.” She conceded. There was a gleam in her eye as she held up a mid-sized cucumber. “So?” In her other hand, waved a ripe eggplant. Ross flashed a sharp grin.  
“Oh you know, it was like…” He started humping the shopping cart to make Carly snicker, but an older woman glared at him as she stepped around the violated cart. That made Carly bust a gut, cackling over some heads of cauliflower. Damn, these cramped isles  
Ross tried to regain his dignity as he fled for the candy section. Carly found him, banging his head against a walnut dispenser.  
“So did you?”  
Ross paused, both cowed and sheepish. She eyed him like she could decode the answer herself from his walk.  
“No.” He said. She debated between several bags of trail mix.  
“I mean, it’s pretty normal not to go all the way the first time.”  
“For this though?”  
“You said that he looked better. Maybe that’s all he needs.” Ross chewed on the inside of his cheek as he rocked the cart back and forth. It made an awful squeaking that he appeared not to have heard. Carly sighed and scooped up a small bag of caramel kisses for him. She wedged her boot before the cart’s wheel, halting it mid-squeal. “I’m guessing that’s not what you want though.”  
She held Ross’s gaze and didn’t let him scurry away.  
“I’m fine with it.”  
“Honesty’s the best policy.”  
“It’s not about me. I’m helping him.”  
“Ross.”  
“We’re two consenting adults, okay? We’ll figure it out.”  
“Alright.” At the cash register, she handed him the bag of kisses. Big, competent adults paid with their own adult money after all.

***

 

Now, he may have had Dan, but he didn’t have him a bed, which is where Ross wanted him. Call him picky, but Ross wanted to enjoy their little trysts with the comfort of a mattress. He thought it might make everything feel a little more organic. Less formulaic. Dare he admit to himself…romantic.  
They did it everywhere but a bed. The Grump room mostly, his car occasionally, Dan’s hallway once. Not even in his bedroom. The hallway. Ross tried not to wince at the memory. Maybe if he brought Dan over to his place, if he could set the pace, it can be more intimate. Maybe Dan will relax with him and see him as a person to be more open with. Maybe he was asking too much, letting his heart cloud his judgement with pink cover. But he offered to have Dan over anyway. After a recording session, when it was too late for Dan to try to go home and get some proper rest.  
“I don’t have a guest bedroom, but my couch is at least a pull-out one.” He could offer that much, even if Ross wanted to give Dan his whole world.  
“What?”  
“Do you want to sleep at my place on a couch that’s not scrunched up couch?”  
“Um… yes.”  
They drove listening to the radio. Ross fiddled with the dials, searching for a cool song that Dan would like, maybe even a song so cool he hasn’t heard it before. But Ross didn’t know any of the obscure stations past the major pop channels, but he fumbled around with the search at red lights and stop signs. They listened to a lot of static noise in between. Dan didn’t seem to mind, content to listen to anything with his head turned towards the window.  
In Ross’s apartment, they skated around each other in the same quiet. Dan unfolded the couch as Ross dug up some extra sheets and pillows, both careful not to wake any roommates. Orph brushed up against their legs despite the late hour, and Ross smiled at how quickly the cat flopped down at Dan’s feet, demanding scritches. And at how quickly the grown-ass man gave in to a couple of soft mewls. He could have watched Dan play with his cat for hours, but he forced himself to go, to point out the bathroom and bid goodnight.  
He laid in bed and stared at his wall, before shutting his eyes to stare at nothing. Hopefully, his eyes will just grow bored and shut themselves off. But sleep did not sweep him away. He heard Dan shuffle between the bathroom and back, so he pulled on a pair of headphones and started up on of his soothing sleep playlists. He waited. Blankets were pulled on then kicked off. Had he given Dan a blanket? It was too hot, he hadn’t wanted one. Was Orph still bothering him; Should he go get him? No, Dan was fine. Ross shifted onto his back, then took off his headphones to lie once again on his side. He twisted and turned.  
The neighbors were at least quiet tonight, the old woman down the street wasn’t out walking her jumpy dog. The apartment creaked and sighed to itself. Ross tried to listen, fought with his thoughts to only listen. He should have too tired to think. One of the games from Steam Train hadn’t fully downloaded when they finally sat down to record. They had waited an extra hour unable to play anything else with the computer while the game loaded.  
“Why didn’t you check on this earlier?” Dan had grumbled as he glared at the almost stagnant loading bar. As if that would make it load any faster. Ross hadn’t answered, knew that Dan hadn’t really wanted to hear any of his excuses. Arin and Suzy had long since gone to bed, only asked them to lock up afterwards and not worry about the mess. When they got the capture to sync up, Ross had already wanted to follow them into dreamland, but then the program had crashed halfway through the second episode. Another hour wasted, but the session had to be finished for Barry to edit the episodes the next morning. Dan had completely shut down as they restarted everything and checked it over twice. The silence in such a small room had been deafening. But during the episodes, Dan joked with the lovelies of the mishaps, laughed and gently teased Ross.  
“Don’t worry, bud, we’ll put you to bed soon.”  
Now he laid on his mattress with his feet twitching and his eyes open as dreamland closed its gates. He got up and refused to read the numbers on his alarm clock. In darkness, he made his way to the kitchen, minding the noisiest steps. A warm cup of milk should help, like it did when he was a fitful child. His mom always seemed so sure that he’d one day grow out of it. The light in the kitchen was already on. Dan sat at his table, sipping from a glass of water and reading a book. He gave Ross a sheepish grin.  
“Sorry, am I fucking up your electric bill?” Ross stood planted in the doorway, in his worn boxers and a t-shirt, surprised to find Dan conscious at all. He shook his head no.  
“What are you doing awake?”  
“Couldn’t sleep. I’m won’t ask you, because I assume likewise.” Ross supposed that maybe it was a dumb question. He ventured into his own kitchen, pulled a mug out of the sink and started to wash it.  
“Are you hungry?” he asked.  
Dan eyed the short length of his boxers, at how far up the thigh they ended, but said, “No, it’s just hard to shut off sometimes.” Ross nodded his agreement, for it was too late at night for so many words. Not too late to work through his dirty dishes though. He tried for Danny.  
“Do you want tea?” Dan swished the water around in his glass.  
“No, I know you don’t drink it and I should ask your roommates first.” He drained the glass, damning himself. He’ll have to pee from it in an hour or two, whether he’d managed to fall asleep by then or not. Above the sink was a window with its panes so black, Ross could see himself imposed on top of the night.  
“Do you want to go for a walk?”  
“You’d have to put on pants again.”  
“I don’t mind.”  
The nights in a Californian summer were just cool enough for pants. Ross was glad that he left behind his windbreaker. He didn’t know how Dan could stand to wear his brown, leather jacket with the humid air sticking to his skin. Every home seemed to still as they passed. Curtains were drawn, but where lights were left on, no shadows moved past them. No breeze came to rustle leaves or shake off flower petals. Even the wind was holding its breath. Only the clouds moved with them, grey and puffy, but not a drop to spare them from the oppressive heat. Ross winded their walk through the neighborhood blocks until a park broke up the rows of buildings with a grassy field.  
“Oh ho ho! How nice. A little patch of nature right around the corner.” It had been around many corners, but they continued their approach anyway. Ross refused to check the time on his phone. He came here often when he couldn’t sleep, and he steered them toward his favorite bench at the top of a slow-rising hill. No one ever came here, not even stoners scuttling for dark, deserted places. He climbed up to perch on the back of the bench, and Dan laughed at his eccentricness before joining him. The hill wasn’t big or that tall but sitting on top of it with clusters of flowering weeds stretching away under them, made all the squat houses, apartment buildings, Rite-Aids, and endless roads seem so far away. Ross turned, but Dan broke the silence first.  
“Don’t ask me if I’m ‘a creature of the night’ and that’s why I can’t sleep.”  
“Ha ha. Don’t worry, I’ve watched you fall asleep enough after Steam Train to know that already.”  
“You watch me sleep?”  
Ross blushed and fumbled. “No! You do it at like the work place and that’s different.”  
“Hmm, you had a question though.”  
“If it bothers you, I can stop.”  
Dan shrugged it off, like nothing could really bother him. He pointed out a raccoon hauling its pudgy body up a tree. It always astounded Ross how massive they really were. Pocahontas lied to him, they would be no furry companions of his. He rushed through to his question, a bandit making off with Dan’s attention.  
“Why did you hold yourself back from eating before? From hook-ups and stuff.”  
“Is it that strange that I didn’t want to have sex with randos?”  
“But it’s a necessity for you to eat. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just do it to keep yourself healthy.” Dan cracked his knuckles, one digit at a time, each little pop a release of tension in his shoulders. When he spoke again, he told Ross a story.  
A man and woman met in a dark pit of a dance floor. Sweaty, jumping bodies pushed them together, people all around them with no room to move on way or another. So, they danced. For hours and hours, grinding and swaying together while bright lights flashed in their eyes and blinded them. Heavy beats pulsed against their ear drums, threated to pound them down. Hungry, the man took her home, and she had clung to his arm, giggling and flushed. They fucked, once, twice, more, glutting themselves on each other. She laid in his arms, watched closely as his eyes drifted closed and asked if they could meet again. If she could call him. He said yes, because you don’t bite the hand that feeds you.  
He showed her the door in the morning and went to work feeling refreshed. A call came the next day, and they fucked. A call came on the weekend, and they fucked. The following week, they fucked and the week after that. Another and another until he stopped picking up the phone. It kept ringing. He only answered to ask her stop, and she showed up on his door mat crying. Bawling, red-faced with mascara running down her cheeks, she grabbed his arm, trying to cling once again.  
He tried to appease her, to reason and soothe, but kept her in the doorway, even closing the door behind him. She screamed at him, called him cruel, her hand pressed against her chest, clutching her broken heart. Curtains peeled back, doors creaked open, and he did not know what to do. The woman ran away, thick sobs still trailing behind her. The man had listened to each one before he went back inside, locked the door.  
“To me, its just sex. Just a meal to grab and go, but that’s not what it is to you guys. It never is with you.” Ross was silent. His eyes were far away. “She was nice. Didn’t deserve to get hurt like that. I don’t want to hurt people like that.” Dan slid down the bench to sit on its seat, his knees protecting his chest. “And I’m so scared that I will.”  
Said out into that open field the words sounded small and renegade like they weren’t supposed to spoken at all. Dan slipped down the bench to sit on its seat with his knees pulled up to his chest, and arms wrapped around them as if he was freezing on this hot, summer night. Clouds smothered the bright moon behind them. The stars too were out of sight. Ross ached inside as looked at the top of Dan’s head. His shaggy, frizzy curls almost reached the nape of his neck. He wanted to sweep them to the side and plant a kiss to comfort. But they were not lovers, Ross couldn’t even definitively say they were that close of friends despite all the ways they knew each other.  
He’s has never seen Dan cry, and the man certainly wasn’t inclined to do so now with him sitting right here. Holly always steadied him with a touch, a gentle one, but Dan didn’t like to be touched. He always flinched away when Ross poked to bumped into him. And Dan would never want Ross to touch him again if he knew how much he longed to. How much it meant every time to feel his large hands, his warmth. A bitter sadness welled up in his heart, one sprung up from his persistent wanting. A desire inside him that even the heavy clouds could not smother it. He’d become another jaded fling. Clinging, clinging, never asked for, but unable to let go. When will this longing go away? When will it ruin him? Ross clasped his hand together to keep them in their place, and looked on, tongue tied. Then he gasped under his breath.  
The change was slow, and Dan grunted like it pained him. But his ears grew wide and long. The curved, ridged horns of a ram twisted out of his head to disturb that nest of curls. And his eyes. They were the bright yellow of an animal hunting in the night with his pupils a dark slash that contracted to adjusted to the late hour. Widening, contracting, setting on him, and Ross could see himself, silent and still reflected in their blackness.  
“Wow.” Ross could barely see him, but he could never look away. Thick lines curved around Dan’s face and swooped down his neck to disappear under the collar of his shirt. They could’ve been mistaken for tattoos, but they started to glimmer with a subdued purple sheen. Lines that emitted soft pulsing, maybe a heartbeat, maybe not, but they drew Ross closer beckoned him to taste and touch. To explore. Ross’s hands were white-knuckled, gripped together, but he held firm and didn’t budge an inch. “Just wow.”  
Dan turned to the sky and pointed to its blankness.  
“It sucks that there’s no stars. They would have been lovely tonight.” To share together. Ross didn’t add. He picked out a flying red dot, an airplane all the way above them. It was tiny and blipped in and out against the clouds.  
“That can be one.” Dan smiled and laughed quietly.  
“Pretty shitty star.”  
“It can be a shooting one.”  
“Then make a wish.”  
Ross slipped down the bench to sit closer. Dan was already closing his eyes, face upturned to their shitty, shooting star. Ross stared and leaned close, licking his lips. Then closed his eyes and made a wish, pulling away, even though Dan smelled like lit candles and fresh soap that can’t fully cover up a heavy musk no matter how hard he scrubbed. He smelled like open arms and light rain, and washed blankets. Like shaved pencils and thin parchment and the dry plains back home in a country far away. Like chocolate-covered cherries and skin. Like a well-worn couch and sweat and sugary breath.  
He pulled away and turned to the sky. That sex magic was really something else he told himself. It could really drive him crazy. Dan asked for better weather next time. Ross swallowed all his wishes and the story of the woman, twined them together and pushed them down, down, down.

***

 

But it took a harsher lesson for him to really get the picture. To come to reality and really stop the fluttering of his heart over every little gesture and moment. To squash his persistent hopes and all those wishes.  
There was no Steam Train today, but Ross was too giddy to stay at home. After he washed his sheets, swept the floor, wiped down the bathroom, and stared hopelessly at his desk, he couldn’t just sit down and forgot about it. The cleanliness reminded him that tonight was his night. Dan was going to come over, and Ross was going to get that man in his bed even if he’d have to drag him there.  
But he just couldn’t wait, so he sped over to Suzy’s house with her permission. Weighed down with his tablet and computer, he snuck quietly past the recording room to join Suzy in the dining room. She held out her hand, and Ross coughed up the bag of Doritos as her payment.  
“Thanks, Ross.”  
“Thank you, Suzy.” He sat down and started to set up his gear as Suzy went in search of a bowl. “So, what are you doing today?”  
“Answering emails, editing a new Mortem3r video.” She called from the kitchen amid the thuds of cabinets opening and closing. She came back with two bowls, her Doritos under her arm and the other filled to the brim with pretzel rods. “Can you do me another favor and take this to the boys? I just can’t smell that fart chamber again today.”  
Ross snickered and took the bowl. “You live with the man.”  
The hallway was quiet, but just beyond the door, he could hear their laughter. It was a hard thing to contain when they egged each other on like this, a verifiable vortex descending into giggling madness that was hard to resist. But Ross restrained himself to remain silent on the other side of the door until the episode concluded. Staring at his shoes, he wondered if he should try to work upstairs so he wouldn’t get distracted. Then the laughter stopped, and he heard them. Talking. About him.  
“I mean Ross is the best. We love him, but god does he enrage us to the point of blind hate.” Dan’s voice reached for him through the door, grabbed him. Throttled him.  
“Yeah, I thought I was gonna barf when he was playing that fucking game with Kurt Russel with his janky-ass hands shaking the camera everywhere and shit.”  
“So barfy, dude!” Ross put on a tentative smile, because they were just joking around, playing it up for the lovelies. “What’s worse are his jokes.”  
“No, first he gets that look on his face.” Said Arin. Ross glanced back to the mirror down the hallway to look at his baby face and uncombed hair. He smoothed down a cowlick only for it to spring up again.  
“Yeah, whenever Ross is about to tell a terrible joke, he’s all proud of himself, and he’ll get your attention.”  
“He’s like ‘wait, wait’.” Arin interjected.  
“Let me pick the perfect moment to tell this shitty, non-funny thing.” More laughter from behind the door. Ross leaned his head against the wood and gave a chuckle himself, because it was funny. It sounded hollow out of his mouth. There was a lull in the conversation, it seemed like they would move on. Maybe end the episode and he can bust in and rail on them right back. Good-natured, all in good fun bashing. Something mutual. But Dan continued on.  
“Ross, like Ross, ugh. He drives me so in-so fucking crazy. Dude, you know that I’ve got a long fuse, but like Ross. Holy shit, he pisses me off like no other.” The episode was going to be a long one with lots of things to say, but Ross didn’t stay to listen.

***

 

Ross didn’t cry about it. After the conversation had ended, after the grump session started up, Ross had walked away to go back to work and slaved away at his tablet until he was convinced that there was nothing to cry about. That it’d be stupid to since nothing had changed, this had always been the situation, and he was the one being stupid. Still, hours later as he lied on Carly’s couch, his eyes burned.  
“So, what are you going to do?” Her voice was gentle, just like her fingers brushing through his hair. Both were meant to comfort, as if there was something to cry about. He shook his head.  
“Nothing.”  
“You’re hurt.”  
“I’m no-”  
“Shut up.” The birds chirped in the corner, Paki and Officer Feathers twittering together in their own secret conversation. Ross watched their small, colorful bodies hop back and forth and wished that he could understand them.  
“I’m not here to listen to you lie,” whispered Carly.  
“Sorry, I’m trying to make it hurt less.”  
“It’s okay.”  
He reached up to squeeze her arm, grateful. He still didn’t cry, but his emotions were a river cascading through him. She was the rock he clung to or else he’d drift away. Maybe drown. He didn’t have time for that.  
“There’s not much I can do. He still got to eat. I won’t let him starve because I caught feelings.”  
“Sounds like his problem.”  
“Fuck him?”  
Carly sighed. “Of course not, but…” She trailed off, playing with the silver rings on her fingers. Her mind worked, twisting the problem this way and that, trying to wring out a solution, but careful not to rip it apart. “You matter, too. Your health, your feelings. He’s an adult in his thirties, Dan can worry about feeding himself.”  
The birds squawked louder, and Carly excused herself to soothe them for a bit, went to the kitchen for their feed. Ross felt woozy as he sat up. Maybe he was dehydrated and needed to drink some water, but he’d rather a beer. How was he supposed to tell Dan that? Hey, go fuck someone else, you can manage that easily, can’t you? Oh, why? That’s right, he’d have to tell him why. Dan wouldn’t fight him, wouldn’t ask for a favor ever again, but Ross could already see the hurt and confusion clouding over the light in his big, brown doe eyes. He deserved closure as much as anyone else.  
Oh why? Well, sorry, but I can’t just fuck you anymore, I want more of your time, love and affection. All of those last two things actually. Ross’s mouth went dry just at the thought of that conversation. He couldn’t do that, didn’t want to act like some native college freshmen who didn’t get the memo. Who went around breaking people’s trust because he couldn’t control himself. Carly came back to the couch, a few small seeds stuck to her shirt with peanut butter.  
“I thought you said that he doesn’t do the whole casual sex thing.”  
“With strangers.”  
“Ah, but you’re his friend.”  
Ross tried to wipe away the seeds, but only managed to smear in the peanut butter more.  
“His best.”

***

 

Dan’s breath had smelled sweet. Now it warmed the back of his neck. Ross had finally gotten the man in his bed, but the sheets felt cold and stiff. The change in place had changed nothing. They had kissed for a minute, a formality since Dan liked to do things in order, then fucked for twenty. The after taste of that chaste minute was sour in Ross’s mouth. He could still taste it. Dan nuzzled into him from behind, sighing like a fat cat with feathers still hanging off his whiskers.  
“Thanks, Ross.” Dan’s saccharine lips brushed softly against his skin. Ross was frozen under Dan’s scrawny arms. “You’re the best.”  
His stomach lurched, like it wanted to hurl itself out. He didn’t usually stay the night anyway, but he left earlier than normal, claiming that he had eaten Taco Bell that hadn’t agreed with him. The sun was still rushing to hide below the horizon, but it was dark when he unlocked his apartment.

***

 

Ross had tried to make it work. He really did. For long, long weeks, he stuffed his aching heart in a box with barely enough room to breathe, but without it he felt hollow. When Dan sucked out his energy, it left him feeling drained, but now as he walked around with a big smile on his face, he felt empty all the time. And he couldn’t do it anymore. Every formal kiss, every quick embrace, all entrusted secrets, and all the play acting of something Ross could never have, shredded him to tatters.  
In the hallway of Dan’s apartment, Ross confronted him. Carly had encouraged him all the way to get to this point, but it was the way Dan had said his name that finally gave him the strength to do it.  
“Ross.” He had whispered it like a sweet lullaby, like the word meant something he deeply cared for. His hands brushed up Ross’s arms in a gentle caress like he was touching something he deeply cared for. His lips were curled up in a smile like he couldn’t wait to share something with a person he deeply cared for. But it wasn’t real. They were friends. Good friends that may love each other as good friends do, but it wasn’t whatever this was trying to play at. Ross couldn’t play anymore. He could no longer stand it.  
“Please stop.” He croaked, his voice betraying the tears that welled in his eyes. He wasn’t going to cry in front of his man. He blinked them all away as Dan froze against him. Silence stretched. Dan stepped back and looked at him, confused. Before he could lose this strength, he continued. “I can’t do this for you anymore. I want more.”  
He knew that Dan knew what he meant. Could see it in the way his back stiffened, how his arms crossed against his chest. How instantly Dan shut him out. The man shook his head.  
“I can’t give that to you.”  
“Why?” Dan didn’t owe him anything, but Ross couldn’t stop the question. He never could. He needed to hear the answer from Dan right now. Needed to hear him say it, no matter how much it heart. And it did hurt.  
“That’s just not what I want.” Dan said. He had looked Ross in the eye and said it. The two of them weren’t screaming. There was no hysteria. There were no tears. “I’m sorry.”  
Ross took a deep breath.  
“Okay.”  
He left the apartment.


	2. An Accelerated Weekend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, formatting! Mystery Boxes! My life's a nightmare! Ao3 I love why but why!

He wished she would stop staring at him. Or rather, he wished she didn’t insist that they make direct eye-contact for everything. When he kissed her hello, her eyes skimmed over his face. When they ate dinner together, he didn’t know how she managed to always land the fork in her mouth when she never seemed to glance down at her plate and what she was eating. When he laid her on the bed and undid each button of her shirt, her hand cupped under his chin to tilt his face up to be even with hers. To keep his gaze focused on hers. When he bent down and took his tongue to her, ready to strut his stuff and make her scream for his feast, she moaned for him.  
“Look at me.”  
Holding an angle like that while he licked and sucked her, put a fucking crick in his neck that was sure to be sore tomorrow. He was getting too old for this. When they fucked, it was always missionary, so she could grab onto his shoulders, his neck, his face, and command all that meaningful, soul-deep staring people were supposed to share when they boned like dogs in heat. He tried not to roll his eyes as he thrusted. Even at the height of her pleasure, while she clawed at his back and snarled through orgasm, her eyes were open.  
It wasn’t that he didn’t find her attractive. He did. But a man sometimes wished to just close his eyes and enjoy a sensation. Eye-contact was great, even essential. It could be the comforting gaze of reassurance or the looks of mutual desire and pleasure that were searingly sexy. But his eyeballs were starting to glaze over and his head hung strained. He’d just looked at her for the past 6 hours. It wasn’t like he’ll forget what she looked like if he turned away once.  
After he drained her, eating just enough to put her in a good sleep that night, she fought her heavy eyelids to keep awake. He swore that if she could, she’d sleep with those big, beautiful blue eyes locked in a staring match with the ceiling fan. He sat with her and waited to hear her lose and drift asleep. Basking in her aftertaste, he flexed his fingers at the energy that now coursed through him. Every time, it felt like someone zapped him with a cattle prod, like he could raise his hand and strike down lightning. Yet somehow, he also felt weary and tired. Slumping against the pillows, he wished they could just relax.

**  
 **Day 1**  
“How’s Caroline?”  
“Oh, Carrie?” Dan shrugged at Arin’s question as they moved along the airport security line. “We actually cut it off last week.”  
“Things didn’t get better?”  
“No.” Dan sighed. They moved with the crawl of the line, getting out their IDs and boarding passes when they neared the queue. Arin went first, passing through to the TSA check without a pause. The guard glanced back and forth between Dan’s two identification cards then to him.  
“Your primary form, sir.” Dan huffed, annoyed, and shifted. At least, she was polite about it, but the long silence of the people behind him as his horns grew and his nails sharpened stood stiff and awkward. It always did. Airport personnel seemed to purposely forget how much time a transformation can take, as they were misinformed by movies and media. Dan blinked at her with his yellow eyes, ignoring the energy coming from her, the spike of arousal taunting him. His patience wore thin as she continued to check between the IDs and him for a minute longer, but she let him through.  
He didn’t shift back when he joined Arin in talking off shoes, undoing belts, and separating out electronics. The metal detector guys would just ask him to change back again so they could get a glimpse of a demon too. American airport security was always ridiculous with their restrictions, but they were especially concerned about UFD. Unidentified Flying Devils, and Dan was an UFFM; an Unidentified Flying Fuck Machine. No matter where he went, people wanted their own peak. Every trip turned into a circus show.  
Metal detector guy smirked at his classification ID. “Tail.” He said. Dan couldn’t keep the glare off his face, but he bit his tongue and jammed a hand down the back of his pants to help guide his tail up and out. It never stopped being embarrassing. The angle wasn’t right with these jeans, and it felt uncomfortable to leave it sticking out against his waistband. What could he even hide with his tail? He was going through a damn security machine. His tail was only a little shorter than his long legs, sleek and the darkest shade of purple that could be mistaken for black. He let it thrash fast and angry behind him, and the guard looked away to dismiss him, suddenly aware of the otherness of the thing he was poking at. The minute they collected their carry-on and headed to their terminal, Dan started shifting back to his human form.  
“They don’t have the power to demand that. You can refuse.” Arin told him as they passed Airport restaurants and bars. Oh, hey, an Auntie Ann’s, there was only one in every airport in America Dan visited.  
“I know that dude, but then they get pissy and drag the whole thing out, and honestly, I just want to get on the plane.” Arin acquiesced with a dissatisfied hum. Dan appreciated the sympathy anger and watching his friend work himself up always pulled a laugh or two from him. When they reached the gate, Dan held down the fort with their stuff as Arin went off to “Take a massive shit, bro. I’m going to absolutely destroy that stall.”  
Dan snorted to himself at the absurdity, but he grew nervous while waiting. He checked his phone to find a new text from Barry.  
Finished parking. Ross and I will be there soon if the line for TSA isn’t too long.  
Dan didn’t sweat, but his hands felt clammy. It has been over a year since Ross had called off their friends with benefits relationship, and they were still friends with no benefits needed. Steam Train and Game Grumps had gone on, they hung out and laughed together, celebrated the channel’s success in the new office space. But when the recordings turned off, when the group dispersed, the distance between them stretched. Ross didn’t come over to his house anymore, and Dan didn’t go over to his either. They’d stopping rewatching Dino-riders mid-season, their late nights never lived past 9pm, and they never got better weather.  
Sometimes, Dan simply didn’t know what to say to him. Everything felt wrong, like he was overstepping. His heart thudded heavily as it pulled up all the extra memories. It liked to cling to them now and then when he needed to be sad. He missed Ross. He was never sad with Ross. Angry and annoyed maybe. But never sad. Until the end. And now. He had to get rid of it, this heaviness. Enough was enough.   
Barry and Ross appeared down the airport hall, weaving between people to get to the gate. Might as well start with the basics. Dan waved them over.  
“You guys still made good time.” They had come from the office, tying up all the loose ends for the week, and Ross had given Barry a ride.  
“Yeah, it was a bitch to find parking in the overstay lot, though.”  
“Ross got so mad at this old lady.”  
“She took my spot!”  
“You’re picking fights with the elderly?”  
“She clearly saw that it was mine!”  
“Oh my god, there she is.”  
“No way!” Ross gasped and jumped behind the plastic seats to hide. He does not have the best track record with older women. Dan swirled around to grin at Ross, curled up in an egg on top of feet. After a moment of quiet quite devoid of angry ladies undercut with Barry’s stifled snickering, his head popped up. “Not funny, man. She already cursed my ear off.” Barry compared his watch to the departure time.  
“I’m getting something to eat. Anyone want to come?” Ross said no at the same time Dan held up a bag of crackers. “Alright, I’ll be right back.” They were alone. Dan patted the chairs.  
“Wanna get off the floor?” Ross sat across from him, and pulled out his phone, and Dan pulled out his book, taking the dismissal. The novel was filled with knights, princesses, and dragons, and the pages were as thick as his arm between the covers. It took up a lot of space in his bag, but they were only going away for a 4-day convention, arriving just a day early to prepare for the onslaught.  
PAX was going to be huge; the Grumps were going to host a main panel set on the large, center stage. They were warred about the danger of germs, of the severity of Con-Flu at PAX conventions, but they focused their nerves at the panel. They were all panel veterans, there should have been nothing for them to fuss over, but still Ross worried his lip, expression completely checked out. Dan marked his place and cleared his throat to break Ross out of his reverie.  
“It’s going to be great.” A car tugged the plane up to their gate, its windows flashing blinding light with the reflection of the midday hour.  
“It doesn’t really matter if it is or not. We’re still gonna come back and do youtubing.” Airports were so loud with the clatter of suitcases, buzzes and beeps from fast food stands, constant announcements sounding overhead, and what seemed a million people strolling past talking over each other. Dan could barely hear him, but he didn’t have to strain to understand. He could have taken the pot shot (Really Ross? Do youtubing?), but he held back.  
“Doesn’t mean you’re immune to a shitty time while there.”  
“Are you trying to make me anxious?” Did Ross sound amused or was that just the cool tones of confusion. His face appeared offended, but that twitch of his mouth could also be the first sign of a grin. Dan backtracked anyway.  
“No, I’m just saying it’s okay to be a little nervous.”  
“Do I look nervous?”  
“Yeah, dude.” Someone just write his obituary already. His mom would scold him for being so rude, his grandmother too. But Ross laughed, rubbing his neck. It wasn’t his maniacal cackle or a guffawing chuckle. The noise of the airport almost swallowed it up, but Dan perked up at its quiet tinkle. “Can’t get one past you, Daniel Avidaniel.”  
Arin rushed over to them with Barry in tow who looked a bit green in the face. He had a completely disgusting gummy candy that they had to try. It was white and squishy and somehow slightly wet. A ghost mascot encouraged them from the packaging as bland and vaguely threatening as its mysterious taste. The next hour as they waited to board the plane was spent between Arin coercing them into finishing the bag and Barry protesting loudly with a hand on his stomach. Ross caved, and his look of complete regret secured Dan’s refusal. While they waddled through the boarding line, Ross tapped on his shoulder just once.  
“You’re right through, it’ll be great.”  
Dan hoped he wasn’t talking out of his ass, and that it will be. At least to make the two six-hour flights and subsequent week of jetlag worth it. Jammed into a seat next to Barry, he glanced once or twice, maybe thrice, towards Ross, at the back of his head or his profile caught in the blazing sun. Dan wasn’t sure what he was checking for, and by the time they landed, he was too tired to dwell on it.

**Night 1**  
The sun was still setting at 8pm, by 10pm he wanted to be out cold for their early morning and long day tomorrow. At 11pm, he was deciding which gross, processed snack he wanted out of the hotel lobby vending machine. A rainbow of choices beckoned him through the glass, his dollar fluttering in his hand from the air vents directly over him. Skittles it was then. He’ll only eat a few for now and save the rest for tomorrow.  
“Hello, late night munchies.” Dan jerked, hand still groping inside the machine. “You look like an over-sized raccoon digging around a trashcan.” Ross drawled behind him. A row of quarters jingled in his hand. Dan straightened, skittles stuffed into his pocket.  
“Thank you for that. Not like my feelings matter, but okay.” And maybe he did look a bit scruffy around the edges. Growing out his hair made him a puff ball of frizz and half-formed curls, and he could certainly use a shave. His permanent five o-clock shadow had become a bit more than grody than usual. The fans liked to joke that he was just a being of hair at this point and he still had many inches to go.  
“Come on, I’m no better.” Ross punched for a bag of chips. He paid for air more than anything, and he deflated in defeat. Dan offered him the skittles. Ross slowly munched on a thin crisp. “Even though I insulted you?”  
“I could never stay mad at you.” They shared a red tint of the ears, the words stood much more compelling than Dan meant them too. Ross held out for a handful.  
“Okay.” He turned the chips to Dan, who thought it was gross to share the salty crisps in the same mouthful of fruity skittles but ate it anyway. They finished their snacks in the lobby and bid goodnight and didn’t see one another again until the panel 2 days later.

**Day 3**  
Squeezed together between Barry and Arin, Dan and Ross were close enough to be knee to knee, hip to hip, shoulder to shoulder. If it weren’t for the spotlights, disorienting cheers, and tundra-level air-conditioning gusting over them, it actually would have been quite nice. But there was a panel to focus on that left little brain power to fret over bodily contact. Dan ended up perched on the back of the couch anyway as the Q&A continued. Four grown-ass men did not fit on that couch at all.  
Even as many questions were directed at him, he took a literal backseat for the rest, letting Barry and Ross step up to the plate. They hit it out of the park with their chemistry built up over many series of Steam Train. The quips and the jabs rolled off the tongue and the audience rolled in waves of laughter. Ross had a tendency to drag on in his answers, setting up exposition and explaining for too long as the line stretched into darkness, but Dan tilted his head to let every word drop into his ears. Shifting around in his seat, Ross looked almost like he was bouncing, happy to advise and cheer people one in their dreams.  
Love was in the air as a couple even got engaged on stage. Wild cheers went up at the sweet story of romance, but there was something else swirling around in that room. Dan sighed at what he tasted. Sex. Not a full-blown fucking, but enough people gushed out arousal, however subdued and mild. Enough to mix together and stew and egg each other on. They probably didn’t even notice, but he did. For that arousal, it was directed right at him, smacked him in the face and teased him tender.  
He wasn’t exactly surprised, which was a douchey thing to think, but he was a 36-year-old incubus. It wasn’t his first rodeo. Their fans loved them very much, they shared a lot on the show, and many people considered the Grumps quite attractive. It was no different than when he jacked it to the hot bunnies in Playboy magazines. They just jacked it to him, and he understood better than anyone how little control beings had over what gets them hot under the collar. How hard it was to ignore it and move on. He couldn’t help much, his magics only riled people up, not dowse them down. So, he let it all wash over him and kept making the funnies. He could be in control for all of them, didn’t show a crack in his performance.  
The signing wasn’t much better. The die-hard fans now a couple feet away, connected through high-fives, handshakes, and quick hugs. Very quick hugs. When they touched him, their desire flooded through, drowning the blood in his veins. It made him crave. He didn’t need to eat, he wasn’t hungry, but he craved, and his body roared with it. Control. He needed control. When it ended, he slunk away immediately, absconded to the hotel across town. They had talked of hitting up a sushi restaurant earlier, but Arin took one look at him and offered to bring him the house green tea later.  
The hotel room was crisp and clean, barely lived in, with the curtains drawn against the day. Barry’s scent hovered around his twin bed, but that was something he could easily ignore having lived with it. They’ll all be gone for a few hours, he had the evening to himself. He needed to relax and control himself. Let off a little steam. Dan stripped everything off and started the shift. Like ripped off the blankets on a cold morning, his senses came alive as a whole new level of input assaulted his brain. He felt the current of electricity pulsing through the room, the tangled clusters of emotions coming from the people in the rooms around his, the cheap polyester sheets scratching against his skin as he laid down.  
He got to work. His hand glided around his cock, and the agitated ball of nerves within him soothed. Lube was unnecessary; he made his own, secreted from all the places he needed it too. As his body settled into its rhythms, his mind wandered to gather all the little things that had set him off. A security guard with arms busting out of his shirt that eyed him too long as he passed. The collector couple making out behind a pillar they thought concealed them. The gaggles of nerds panting over risqué prints. That felt oily, staining, but still his hand moved faster. A tighter grip made his toes curl, smearing the lube to collect along the scar of his head made him arch into the pillows, but not yet. He needed something bigger.  
The models advertising for a stand that blew glossy kisses into the crowd. One was shot right at him, accompanied by a wink. A group of men in simple workout clothes performing exercises for a bit of their cosplay. The reference went over his head, but girls blushed at the sight of them and their thick thighs jammed into booty shorts. The heat of the day had them sweating through their white shirts.  
“Fuck me.” A woman had purred. Her partner had hummed in agreement as she stuffed a hand in her back pocket to give her a good squeeze. Debauchery all day, all around him, barely concealed. His tail snaked around to squeeze his dick and take over for his hands. One spread apart his ass cheeks while the other grazed across his rim. Already wet, the lubrication from his fingers mixing and stringing between his hole. He breeched past the sensitive rim with little resistance, but he stopped there to flick against the puckered muscle quickly and writher. One man’s outfit had been more body paint than cloth, and his nipples were peaked from the indoor chill. The man had shivered. Danny shivered.   
Burlesque dancers passed out flyers for their late-night shows and even staged a fake fall that sent the paper everywhere. When they bent down to pick it all up, their puffy, pastel shirts did nothing to cover their matching underwear. One dancers breathed too heavily, betraying just how much she liked to be watched. A man wore a fake tail among many others, but Dan couldn’t tell how this one was attached to his pants, if at all. His fingers delved deeper and he savored that feeling of fullness for a moment before curling them to stroke along his inner walls. His moan was a quiet croak. He pushed harder for his orgasm lurked up around the corner to take him.  
The mic-check guy who wouldn’t meet his eyes and blushed when their hands brushes when handing over the microphone box. The rager that man hadn’t been able to calm down the whole Q&A. A Danny Sexbang cosplayer leaning in for his signature with her breasts stretching out the spandex. He grimaced at himself even as his hips rocked into his tight tail and pumping fingers. That was a little narcissistic. Ross’s face on the airplane, lit up with soft orange light by the warm sun that contrasted with his blue eyes and the shadows cutting away under his jaw. The slide of hand against his leg when they sat so close on the couch. His voice filling Dan’s head while his fingers filled him.  
“It’s gonna be good, Danny.”  
Woah. Dan paused for only a moment, the burning in his gut unstoppable as it swept over him anyway. He concentrated hard on the workout clothes, the short skirts, and the groping hands as he came. He blocked out everything else even as he laid in bed, panting, naked, and dissatisfied.

**Night 3**  
Hours later, the streetlights popped on one by one. They hummed too loudly outside his window. Restless energy still bubbled up inside him like a shaken soda can. Dan found himself back at the vending machine as a human once again. He felt a little lost walking through the lobby. He wasn’t hungry, but he didn’t want to be in his hotel room right now. He was trying very hard not to think about what happened in there, what he couldn’t control, where his mind wandered. As an incubus, he knew that he shouldn’t dwell on it, that dwelling would only make it worse. Sexual fantasies were fickle in nature; they flashed hot in the pan for the moment but fizzled out quickly.  
But this wasn’t fizzling, what he imagined, how good it felt as it took him over. How it had felt like something he missed. When Ross flashed into his mind, his whole body relaxed in response, like he felt relieved to submit to the urge. Even if only for a second or for a moment, maybe for a minute. When he fooled around with Ross, there was this attraction. He wouldn’t have done anything in the first place if there wasn’t even if the help was badly needed. Interactions like that should never be forced. Attraction should never be removed from the equation. It just resulted in a bad time for everybody. So, when Ross asked to stop, he locked all of that attraction out of his mind to respect his friend. He had done it willingly. He had no complaints at the time. He had done something similar with many before, it’d be unfair and rude to throw a fit and insist. They had both moved on. Then why did this attraction, this longing, feel like it never left?  
He needed to cool his head, to forget once again, so to the vending machines he went. But at the vending machines was Ross, already there punching for gummy bears. Dan’s stomach jolted at the sight of him, but he squished the feeling far, far down. Ross had already spotted him and waved.  
“You okay?” He said. “Arin said you rested the whole afternoon, but you still look dead on your feet.”  
“Cons just really take it out of me, I guess.” Dan hung back a little while Ross rummaged around for his snack. The incubus didn’t want to get close enough to smell him. It was hard enough to listen to him chitter away about the restaurant, downtown, their strange Uber driver, and Arin’s unfortunate timing with his gas. He didn’t process the words so much as the faint lilt in Ross’s voice, the subtle foreign pronunciations still left over from his accent. It had faded more since the last time they really talked, from the last time he really listened for it. He hasn’t heard Ross ramble this fast and excited in a long time. He was so animated when he got like this; his hands spazzing all over the place, his eyebrows shooting up and down with the tempo of the story, and his lips chewing through the words at the speed of sound. They looked so soft.  
“You have to come with us next time. I’d think you’d really like the place. Our server was this really hot Dragonborn guy who had his wings out and everything! And you know, they were a lot smaller than you’d expect. Or I’d expected. Whatever. But his biceps! They were about to rip his shirt, they were so massive. I was close to drooling...” Ross continued on, but Dan pulled back as if he snapped back into reality.  
He understood. That was right. It had been over a year, and Ross was over him. No hard feelings, but no sweet longings lingered either. They had both moved on. Dan didn’t even have anything to get over. He had thought. He just continued on with his life, breezing past the incident with little fuss. But now as Ross recounted his flirting tryst with the server, his gut felt unsettled, and his smile felt frozen on his face at the discomfort. All of this, what happened in his hotel room and his rampant thoughts, were because of his frayed nerves from the convention. He was stressed from his recent break up and work. He couldn’t let it be anything else.  
Ross laughed at some crude joke he made that Dan didn’t hear. He chuckled along anyway, amused at how hard Ross can crack himself up. They were laughing together like friends. Like real friends, and it was something that Dan couldn’t remember the last time they were like this with each other. Not for an audience, whether their shared friends or the lovelies or an entire auditorium full of people. This is what he wanted, his friend that he missed so greatly. This was all he wanted, no matter how the pit in his stomach roiled.  
They rode the elevator up together, swapping light-hearted teasing. As their continued laughter warmed him up from the inside out, a flicker of anxiety needled at the comfort; He didn’t want to fuck this up. Again.

 

**Day 5**  
Dan was still trying not to fuck it up when they arrived at the airport to fly back out to L.A. They didn’t even get to the terminals. All four of them were in line for the security check. Arin made it through TSA with no problem, and Barry slipped through right behind him. No worry was needed, the line was flowing smoothly without interruption. Dan stood a little way back, waiting for the officer to become ready to check his IDs. He closed his eyes and prepared himself for the usual circus, centering himself and praying for patience. He did not expect to hear Ross’s strained voice calling out.  
“What?”  
“Sir, do you have any blades in your carry-on?”  
“No… there shouldn’t be.”  
The guard pulled Ross aside and opened his bag, laid out on a table. Among the clothes they lifted out a rolled mat filled with tools such as exacto knives, scissors, and a large bottle of glue. There were three large guards surrounding Ross and his bag. All three grimaced.  
“These items are prohibited from carry-on. They are considered weapons, and they can’t go on the plane like this.” Dan could see Ross’s face blanch and his mouth hover open.  
“I’m so sorry, these aren’t mine. My friend does cosplay and she must have accidently—”  
“Sir, you’re a foreign citizen according to your ID. We’re going to need to see your green card.”  
“Is it not in there? I’m sure I packed it in my carry-on.” Ross glanced around for his friends. The officer poked around again but shook his head. Ross was stuttering now as his nervous energy built up. He tripped over his words. “I must have accidently put it in my checked luggage. If we can get my bag, it’ll be there. I know I have it with me.”  
“You’re going to have to come with us while we get this figured out.”  
Dan whipped around to look for Arin. Years ago, the man had signed on as Ross’s guardian to help him gain a green card. Dan spotted him arguing with the TSA by the terminal entrance, but they refused to let him through back to security check. Barry stood beside him worriedly pointing back to their friends and trying to explain the situation. And Ross. Dan’s heart shot up into his throat, and he choked on it. TSA was leading him away with a giant, beefy hand clasped on his skinny arm. Ross’s eyes shot past all the broad shoulders crowding him towards an unmarked door. They landed right on Dan, pleading and wide. He looked so scared.  
Then he was gone, whisked behind the door. Dan could faintly hear Arin yelling now. It was only background noise to the roaring in his ears. Ross was a foreign citizen being held by the TSA. Dan was sure that he would be fine, that he wouldn’t be detained long, and definitely would not be jailed for any penalty. But their flight was set to depart in 30 minutes. He was going to miss the plane. He was going to be all alone stuck on the other side of the country from his home and friends.  
The officer in front of Dan held out his IDs.  
“I’m going to need to see your primary form, sir.”  
Ross’s stricken face, his scared eyes, blurred his vision.  
“No.”  
The woman frowned.  
“You need to comply to TSA inspection. We need to confirm your identity.”  
“You have no authority to demand a public transformation based on species. My IDs should be enough.”  
Her face darkened, and she grabbed for the small radio taped to her shoulder.  
“How about a private one then?” Officers surrounded him and lead him towards the unmarked door. He caught Arin’s eye and shot him a thumb’s up. He didn’t know what the hell he was going to do, but at least Ross won’t be alone. He won’t board a flight home if Ross wasn’t on it too. Arin gave him a wary nod, his brow still scrunched in concern as the door clicked shut.

**Night 5**  
They sat in an almost empty terminal. It was a rare sight for the east coast, but Dan was looking at it now. The giant yet empty halls seemed like they should be haunted, and that the entire airport had been abandoned by everyone but the two of them. Of course, a janitor would mop by and break the eerie dream-like state, but no one else was at their gate. They were so early for their flight that not even a stewardess manned the help desk. At least, they weren’t completely alone. Dan accomplished that much as his only goal, but he hadn’t been able to do anything else. One can’t really fight the TSA. At least, Ross hadn’t been left behind. He contented himself on that, even as the silence and the space and the cold of the night gave him chills. Sitting in the stiff, plastic chairs with nothing to say made him feel a little stupid, but he didn’t regret his choice in the slightest.  
Ross suddenly lurched forward and roughly buried his face in his hands.  
“I’m so sorry, Dan.” He said, as he curled in on himself. His voice didn’t sound wet, and he didn’t shake with any sobs, but Dan was startled by the outburst of emotion. He didn’t know what to do.  
“Um, Ross? It’s really okay. Arin, Barry, and Suzy can cover for the Steam Train episodes. Everyone messes up, and you shouldn’t be alone—”  
“I just— I just! Can’t do this right now.” Ross slid away from him a couple of seats, face still hidden away. Dan’s heart lurched at the words while his mind panicked to come up with something to say. How could he have messed up so soon? Did he push too far? Did he read wrong, and Ross still needed space? But his friend continued on from behind his hands.  
“Monty’s dead, Dan. I received the email last night while I was packing, and I tried to keep it all in, at least until we were back in L.A. But I still fucked up. I’m still a fuck-up. I never proved to Monty what I could really do. As an artist, as an animator, like I said I would. I always said, ‘I would, I would,’ but I never did. Now he’s gone.”  
It all came out in a flood, if albeit a quiet one, but Dan struggled to stay afloat. He recognized the name Monty a one of Ross’s animator friends or rather one of his idols really. Monty Oum, the man who had created a web series that exploded in popularity at Rooster Teeth. The man who Ross talked about endlessly and looked up to. He was supposed to be only a little older than Ross… and he’s dead.  
The weight of it settled on him, the same one he presumed had Ross nearly bent in half, wheezing in the dead of night. Tentatively, Dan reached over to rub along Ross’s spine. He felt Ross freeze and let out a shuttering breath. Then he collapsed into silent sobs. Dan watched him cry, sat by him and encouraged him to let it out. When he heard Ross’s breathing even out, he tried to pull the man closer.  
“You’re not a fuck-up. Please stop calling yourself that.” He whispered into soft hair.  
But Ross lurched away again.  
“Please stop.” The way Ross said the two words was so rough. They shanked into Dan and gutted him. He pulled back, hands shaking. He just couldn’t help himself. He pushed too far. He made Ross cry like this once before, and he was doing it again. The same mistakes over and over, when will he be able to stop himself?  
“I’m sorry.” He whispered, unable to say it any louder. Ross still didn’t look at him. The rejection made him want to disappear to somewhere far away where no one had ever even heard of an airport. When Ross spoke again, Dan didn’t know if his bleating heart could bear it. There were no stars tonight, he didn’t want to wish on one ever again.  
“No, I’m sorry, Dan.” Tears slipped down Ross’s face.  
Dan forced himself to ask, “Why?”  
“I can’t be around you.”  
“Why…” The word hovered between them. It had to cross over the several plastic seats between them. It almost didn’t make it, but Ross turned towards him to catch it. To look into Dan’s face and wipe away the tear tracks there.  
“I can’t help but want to be with you.” He pulled away as he whispered between them. Dan’s hand twitched to follow, to bring him back, but he was stocked still. “But that’s not what you want. So please… leave me be.”  
“But I want…” Dan swallowed. They’ve tried this before. This whole merry-go-round. He hurt people. He didn’t know what they want or how to give it to them. He’ll just hurt Ross again, he was sure of it. But his heart was beating so loudly in his chest. Ross’s blue eyes slowly met his own. They were watery and red-ringed, but still they pierced him. Dan didn’t want to lose them, but he felt like he will either way.  
“What do you want?” Ross asked him simply. Dan could never deny him an answer.  
“You.” Dan wished he could stuffed the word back down his throat, for it terrified him so. Ross blinked, mouth slightly open in surprise. Slowly, he asked Dan another question. He always had another question.  
“What do you want from me?”  
“Something I’ve been too scared to ask for.” Dan wrung his hands together, tied them in knots. He didn’t look away from Ross as he explained. “I lived the way I’ve lived, because that what I had to do. That was how I thought I had to do it. I’m not built for this.” He gestured between them. “But… this is what I want. When we were together-but-not before, I thought I had everything I needed. I thought I could have you and leave you, and that I had finally found someone who was down for that. But I hurt you. And hurting you, hurt me in a different way than I felt hurt before. I thought I didn’t want you, but when you weren’t there… it was all I could do to fill the void.”  
Dan thrusted out his hand. He didn’t know what the fuck he was doing. Ross eyed him warily.  
“I don’t want what we had before. I want you and all of you and only you. And this is hard to say, because I don’t think you should settle for me. You shouldn’t be with someone who hurt you and couldn’t figure out his self-centered angst for a whole goddamn year. You should be with that waiter or one of your cool artist friends. Because you’re not a fuck-up. You’re better than this.” His hand dropped to the seat. The plastic felt sticky with static. He didn’t have much more else to say. It was all out there now.  
“Are we going to do this?” Ross spoke softly. He still gazed into Dan’s face, but his eyes were somehow far away.  
“I want to…” Dan told him. His fingertips felt numb, but he blamed the airport’s intense air conditioning.  
“I would like to…too.” Ross bit his lip and chewed. The gears were still turning behind those glassy, bright eyes. Dan shuddered under them.  
“But we shouldn’t.” He prompted the dazed man.  
“Yeah. We shouldn’t.” Ross said. Dan’s heart cried out, hearing Ross say it, to agree with him. He didn’t know what he wanted to happen anymore. Every fiber of him wanted to reach out and grab what could be his, but he was trying so hard to be better for Ross, for his friend first. Ross pushed forward anyway. He slid slowly across the seats, one at a time, until he brushed up against him. He leaned in to kiss Dan’s scratchy cheek once. He whispered across the few inches left between them. “Can I think about this for a bit? A lot is happening at once.”  
“Of course.” It was all Dan could say. “Sorry about your friend. I didn’t know him, but that’s terrible.”  
Ross gave a small, sad smile. “Thank you. I’m sorry about it too.”  
They sat in silence with their thoughts right next to each other in those uncomfortable seats. They had a plane to catch, but Ross peppered Dan with questions along the way.  
*  
At boarding, “You had so many flings since we called it off. Did you think about me then?” He said over his shoulder as they shifted in line. Dan leaned over him to whisper back.  
“I won’t lie, I only figured all this out just like four days ago, but I will say that with all of them, every single one, there was something missing. They never lasted because they weren’t what I wanted. You were.”  
Ross hummed as he faced forward again.  
“Smooth.”  
*  
On the plane, “When I specifically confronted you, you said no. Why?”  
They were squished together in the back of the plane, the engines rumbling loud under their feet. The drinks cart rattled pass, clipping Dan’s leg once again. He twisted in his seat to knock his sore knees against Ross’s, a scowl on his face.  
“I’ve never claimed to not be stupid.” He replied. Ross looked him once over: his tall, grasshopper legs bent uncomfortably in the tiny space, his frizzy hair sticking out in every direction full of static from rubbing against the seats, and a patch of drooling still drying on his chin. Ross’s eyes softened, even as he gave Dan a devious smirk.  
“Well, you’re also not wrong.”  
*  
At touchdown, “If you’re hungry, you’ll only feed from me?”  
Dan hit his head on the luggage compartment as he stood up. Ross laughed quietly as he noted the blushing red tips of his ears. Ross supposed that he did ask that a little too loudly. A steward quirked an eyebrow at them.  
“You’re the only person I want to feed from. But…” Dan ducked his head closer towards Ross as he reached up to open the compartment. “Feeding from you is the last thing on my mind for this. If you didn’t want me to do that to you, I’d starve to remain committed to you.”  
Ross wrinkled his nose at the proposition.  
“That’s kind of abusive. I’d never ask that of you.” He said. Dan patted his hand as he passed over Ross’s suitcase.  
“Lucky me, I guess.”  
*  
At the luggage turnstile, “Have you ever had a committed relationship before?”  
For several minutes, Dan watched the suitcases turn around and around on the belt. In his youth, he had worked under contract as every incubus did. Then he could be summoned for his power by anyone who dared the risk. But that was business, not one he’d particularly enjoyed. Back then he couldn’t have broken the bond even if he tried. And he may have tried.  
“Not like this. This—” He gestured, as he had done so many hours before. “Scares me. I don’t know what I’m doing. But I think I’d like to try. I promise to try my very best.” It sounded so flimsy as it came out of his mouth, but what else could he say? He had no voucher for this, no basis or experience.  
“So, I’d be your first?” Ross batted his eyelashes at him.  
“I hope you’re my only.”  
“How cheesy.” Now Ross faked a gag, clutching at his throat, eye bugging.  
“What else am I supposed to say?!”  
*  
In the parking lot, “You’re not using your demon sex magic to make me attracted to you, right?”  
“Of course not!” Dan sputtered. He launched into a lengthy explanation of his powers and their limited range and their ethical use and morality in defense of himself, but Ross just cackled as he pulled the keys for his car.  
“Just checking.”  
*  
On the highway, “You don’t think I’m a fuck up?”  
Dan whipped his head around from the window so fast, Ross wondered if he’d actually swerved on the road and was too tired to notice. Dan poked his shoulder to punctate his reply.  
“I was a fuck up until I was 35 years old. Which is right now. I know what it looks like, I’m well-acquainted, and you’re not it.”  
“You weren’t a fuck up, Dan.”  
“Such a hypocritic, but not the point right now. You’re 27 and you have a name for yourself. You’re Ross O’Donovan, if you want to go do something, do it. But don’t spit on everything you’ve already done.” The radio played a song with sad guitars to accompany drivers into the late night. Ross did tear up because he was responsible in operating his motor vehicles, but he did croak out a quiet, “Thanks.”  
*  
In Glendale, “It won’t take you a year to decide everything, right? If so, then I get to decide where we eat for the rest of eternity.”  
Dan was slumped in his seat, barely awake enough to answer. Ross glanced over to see his head sway with the moving car. He gave out a groan in response to the gentle ribbing.  
“Feelings are hard.” He whined. And Ross couldn’t argue with that. They were certainly hard to contain. Or ignore. As he drove, he decided that night to stop doing either of those stupid, ridiculous things.  
*  
In the garage, “What if I just said no right now? Like ‘get out of my car, I’m not driving you home, beat it’ after bringing you out all the way here?”  
Ross could see the disappointment in the fall of Dan’s face. The cracks of heartbreak were already there, waiting and expected. He already missed the brilliant smile, but he had to know. He needed an answer. For he could also see the determination in Dan’s eyes as the man mustered all of his resolve.  
“I’d go. I mean, that’d be a real dick move on your part, but I won’t yell or scream or fight it. I’d just go, because really that’s probably what’s best for you.”  
Ross got out of the car, came around, and flung the passenger side open. As he hauled Dan out, he said.  
“You have no clue what’s best for me.”  
*  
On the doorstep. “Would you like to come inside?”  
“Boy, would I ever.” Ross snorted real ugly at such a lame joke, before he pulled Dan into his apartment. It was past 1 in the morning, so they stumbled out their clothes in a sleepy daze. The two tumbled into bed together and curled up into the other’s warmth for sweet dreams.

**Day +1**  
Ross woke up with an incubus in his bed. An actual incubus with the heavy horns crushing his pillows and a tail curled under the covers. Ross didn’t even know Dan had a tail as a demon, but now the appendage brushed between his calves, active even in sleep. He couldn’t resist the temptation to run his finger along it just to see how it felt. Like the wool of a shorn sheep, the short hairs bristling but softer than anything he owned. Dan sat up immediately. He blinked around blearily, while his tail jerked from Ross’s hands to hide behind him.  
“It’s that sensitive, huh?” He snickered. There was a fumph of air as Dan flopped back down, willing the leftover sleep to glue his eyelids shut.  
“Am I going to wake up one morning strapped to a table and cut open to sate your curiosity?”  
“If you keep sleeping here, then maybe.”  
“We’ll sleep at my place.”  
Ross propped himself up with an elbow, so his smirk could have the higher ground. How he woke up with so much sass in the early morning, Dan will never know.  
“Is that your decree, Master? I rather like my apartment.”  
“Roooooossssss.” He couldn’t come out the gate swinging like this, he didn’t have the energy.  
It was always warm in California, but morning brought a chill with them that made the covers so much warmer. A comforting warmth supplied by the body heat of the man lying next to him. Dan wriggled closer and tried to put his arms around Ross.  
“Wait! I’m gonna pee first.” That chill slithered in with his absence, and Dan pulled the covers tighter. He felt the electricity rush to power the lights in the bathroom. He waited to feel Ross come back to him, but it took longer than expected. Then there was a spike of arousal spearing out to him. And it tasted sweet, a spoonful of sugar poured into his mouth. Dan savored it even as he blushed at the realization that Ross wasn’t just going to the bathroom. He was cleaning. Then he was back in his arms, sly grin barely subdued on his face.  
“You felt that?” He said before taking Dan’s mouth in a kiss. A kiss that was a slow slide of their lips, Ross’s hands coming up to brush back Dan’s unruly hair from his face. He wanted to take his time, to experiment with the soft push of their bodies together as a way to make up for all the wasted time where they hadn’t kissed once. Dan let him take all that he wanted, rolling over on his back as Ross climbed up on top of him. Ross gave a satisfied hum, his hips joining his lips in their rolling motion. “I’m surprised that you didn’t try something sooner after you apologized last night.”  
“I wanted you to understand that I’m serious. That it’s difference this time.” Dan said, as he smoothed his hands down Ross’s naked back. He could feel an erection poking against his stomach. He bucked up into it and heard a low moan.  
“I get it, but now I want this. Exactly this.” Ross reached between them and grabbed him through his boxers. The black cotton stretched thin after so many years of use but remained as a frustrating barrier that muffled the contact between them. Fingers squeezed and kneaded him up to full hardness, until the tip of his dick peeked above the waistband.  
“Though I wonder how it’s going to be different than sex with human Dan.”  
“I might be a little more… intense.” Already the room hazy. The purple smoke rolled off from Dan everywhere. It curled up from his shoulders seeping straight out of his skin, leaked out under the blankets covering his legs, and drifted up lazily from his boxers. Ross breathed deep, and the smoke filled his lungs up fuller than the vapes he usually sucked in. But it didn’t taste like fake grape or rosemary or tropical pineapple sunrise. His mind told him it tasted like Dan but how can someone taste like anything other than skin and sweat? He supposed that he will never stop asking these questions, but right now he didn’t want an answer.  
The smoke may have been enough to suggest there was a fire in the kitchen, but they were they were the only things that were burning. He nipped at Dan’s collar bones, burying his face into the source, but Dan wiggled out from under him.  
“Dude, seriously, we should crack open a window; This is a lot.” The blinds slid up with a screeching whine, and the weak light of early morning filtered into the room. As the window slid up, the mating calls of birds twittered through. Pretty as they were, it was still a bunch of hornballs screaming about fucking at an ungodly hour. Even though, Ross was trying to accomplish the same thing only with a ritual with a lot less pompous display. He followed Dan right at his heels, placed his hands on either side of the window sill, and kissed at his back. He would have gone for a shoulder, but Dan was so tall, and he would not submit to standing on his tippy toes. Dan hummed anyway, shoulder blades shifting under Ross’s lips.  
“Can’t you control how much comes out though?” Ross smirked at his own innuendo. Dan sighed at his efforts even as it dragged a chuckle out of him.  
“It can be… difficult when I’m distracted.”  
“Distracted or finally focused on what you’re supposed to?” The tail brushed along his legs again, reaching higher to trace along the elastic of his underwear. Dan turned around in his arms, and Ross dropped to his knees, taking the boxers along with him. With Dan’s erection in his face, he didn’t waste another moment before taking it into his mouth. Dan’s hips jolted under him, then stilled and straightened for him. Thank god, the smoke stopped seeping out of the cock the second his lips wrapped around it. He may have wanted to choke but one physical state at a time.  
It didn’t matter how many blowjobs Dan has received in his adult life, how mundane the act can seem compared to all the other shit he’s done in the pursuit of sexual happiest. Every time that first moment when the wet heat of a mouth closed around him felt like a fist gripping ahold of his gut and stroking his insides. In a good way. In the best way. His knees locked straight, his back stiffened up like a board, and his stomach tightened, ready to press forward or shy away at the slightest sensation. He wasn’t sure which will happen, but that was the general feeling of it all, a kind of limbo that stretched on in the most desirable way.  
Ross bobbed his head and sucked hard. He didn’t have thick, dick-sucking lips, but he didn’t need them with his clever tongue. He teased the scarring around Dan’s head with it, swirling around over and over when he came back up to catch his breath. Dan had mentioned before that his fluids, all of them, were an aphrodisiac to humans. The beads of precum should have been lost among the wetness of his mouth, but Ross swore he felt each one tantalize his tongue with tingles. Maybe his head was too fuzzy to tell the difference. The fact that every part of Dan, his species, evolved to hunt down him, his species, made his skin uncomfortable flushed and hot. He was the prey, but right now they were taking every single one of those evolutions to benefit him. To serve his desires, his pleasure, because he wanted them to, even demanded them to. It all made his head spin.  
When he went back down, his cheeks hallowed out with his sucking. Salvia dripped down, but a messy blow job only meant that it was good. The rumbling groan that came from above him was confirmation enough. The drool ran down into his hand as he fondled Dan’s balls, rubbing gently over the excess folds. He set the rhythm, the pace, those were key, and Dan’s hands came up to fidget by his ears. Not touching his head, not even a hair, as he was careful not to disrupt Ross’s concentration, but there was too much energy in the digits to keep them still.  
The birds sang away, but when Ross sucked down hard, sinking all of his dick towards the constriction of his throat, Dan silenced them all with a loud roar. It was not a human sound, one of restrained passion. It was a feral’s rough howl that erupted out of him. Ross didn’t know how to interpret that, so he pulled back. Dan glanced down at him with a sheepish bite of his lip. The lion and the doe within moments of each other, and the duality made Ross grin.  
“Sorry. Distracted.”  
“I like that you’re enjoying yourself, but we should close the window, so the neighbors don’t call the zoo.”  
“But the haze.”  
“I want it to overtake me.” Ross shut the window with a snap. He tugged Dan back onto the bed. “Let me explore this.”  
But Dan pushed him onto his back instead.  
“As you wish.”  
Ross’s legs spread apart, and Dan slotted between them perfectly. His long fingers skimmed up the inside of a pale thigh. They didn’t go much higher, and Ross tugged at the pillows that propped up his head. He wanted to watch but couldn’t bear the wait. The air between them was too thick to fit down his windpipe, it kept getting stuck every time those fingers teased closer. Then they slid under his legs and lifted them up towards his torso. Ross spread his legs wider to accommodate, but then he felt slick fingers circling around his hole.  
“I already did that part.” Ross gripped at the arm pinning down his hips, but Dan still pushed two fingers inside him and started searching. He gasped at the spot they found. Dan didn’t answer him with any words, but there was a tongue. The whimper broke out Ross unbidden. Just a few licks, but it felt that good. He panted from the wet strokes, and the familiar mantra rose up inside him, began to creak from his very bones. _Cum._ His whole body whispered it in unison. He felt the chant murmur under his skin It commanded him, quiet for now, but not for long. Not yet though. The urge, the desire, the command was strong as they built up, but Ross didn’t want to cum yet. When the fingers crooked upward inside him, his body sang in response.  
As he worked, Dan listened for every moan he managed to pull out from under him. Ross’s hands were soon in his hair, fingers antsy but not pulling. They skittered along his shoulders, squeezing when Dan just pushed his fingers little harder. Sensitive. Demon boners tend to stick around a little longer than average, but the muscles squeezing around him made his dick practically drool onto the sheets. Maybe he was a little sensitive too. They been waiting a long time for this, for each other. There was a shaky hand patting his shoulder, tapping out.  
“You have to fuck me now.”  
“I have to?” Dan said coyly, but he wanted to. More than anything. He sat back on his heels with his hands dripping with the slick fluid he discharged. Ross didn’t know what to call it, but he hoped it would wash out of his sheets.  
“Oh my god, just give up that demon dick already.”  
“Okay, geez.” Dan laughed above him and grabbed his hips to turn him on his side. “How flexible are you?” He picked up Ross’s leg and guided it to stand straight up along his body. Ross’s slender foot hung in the air by the massive horns. Dan’s chest was warm, his dark smattering of course hair tickling his leg. His hip popped once out of tension from the new angle, but then everything settled, and Ross had never felt so spread open as he did right now. Dan straddled his other leg on the mattress, careful to only hover over it and not snap him in half with his weight. The dark head of his cock poked and rubbed against Ross’s balls. It felt weird to have one leg sticking up into the air, but Dan held him steady and kissed the inside of his thigh.  
When he trusted into him, Ross felt it deeper than he had in a long, long time. He scrambled to grip the sheets tight in his fists. As Dan thrusted and thrusted, he was clawing them up before he started to feel the headboard tap against his head. A knocking started up in the room, the rhythm the bane of roommates. He brought one arm up to brace himself on the wooden frame. It was a stretched that burned along his body, but it added resistance against Dan that had him grunting out in pleasure.  
“Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck!”  
Dan’s grip on his thigh kept him pinned. The pleasure spread out to his toes, pointing them high into the air. The movements between them were so smooth, that Ross’s eyelids fluttered shut. He couldn’t watch this and feel it at the same time. Dan’s wild hair and sharp face with every line etched in desire for him threatened to overwhelm him. To give into the chanting in his blood. But he wanted to feel this forever, even as it felt like torment to keep his nerves balanced on such a steep edge.  
And it was the thought that while it might not be forever, that he can have Dan, feel this passion and love from whom he wanted for so long, the next day and the next and so on, that made him spill. His muscles froze in the burst of his release, a lustful roar of his own ripped from his throat. He shuddered and shook, and with it all he took up his own chant, one that screamed through him and overtook the urge to cum.  
Mine.  
Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.  
The word spread through him with the pleasure. A purple-tinted pleasure that made him cum ropes onto his sheets and chest. A pleasure that lingered at an intensity that had him bucking. More of it, less of it, he didn’t know. All he knew was that it was his. He felt Dan lock up before he resumed at a new, brutal pace. One that followed Ross’s chant, as if he could hear, feel it too. And it drove him crazy.  
“Where?” He groaned, more guttural than Ross had ever heard him. Ross only grabbed at Dan’s hips and dug in his nails. Maybe his nails were too sharp or he grabbed too hard, but he drew blood. As the red liquid beaded at his fingertips, Dan threw his head back and was completely silent. His thrusting went erratic, and Ross felt warmth blossom inside of him. He knew that if he looked, it wouldn’t be that pretty, but he licked his lips and moaned all the same. He wasn’t pretty all the time either.  
Dan had bit through his bottom lip. Blood dripped down his chin and onto his heaving chest. He didn’t seem to care to wipe it away. His eyes bored into Ross, and his grip on Ross’s thigh held them still tight together.  
“How did you do that?” He asked, voice low and astonished. Ross had no idea, not the faintest clue, so he only smiled coyly, even as he panted just as out of breath.  
“Could you put my leg down now?”  
Gently, Dan set him down on the bed properly. Gently, he pulled out and petted Ross all the while. Gently, he cleaned the two of them. The wild animal was gone, or rather asleep, fucked into exhaustion. Ross felt a similar tiredness creep upon him, a familiar draining of his strength he didn’t want to admit that he missed. It was kind of relaxing. And gave him a chance to be pampered like a princess. He sipped from a glass of water Dan handed to him and eyed the tall man. He waited to see if Dan would slip back into his human form, if he would continue to pretend to be something he’s not. But when his man fell back into bed, he did so with horn, tail, stripes, and all. Ross felt the dopey grin on his face and didn’t care that it shone bright and bare for Dan to catch it. Then he threw open his arms.  
“Can we please, for the love of god, finally cuddle now?”  
Dan rolled into his hug, sharp elbows flying, horns knocking, and when he wrapped his long arms to encase Ross in soft warmth, Ross tried not to squeal. It was hard not to. They weren’t a perfect fit, for Dan’s legs stretched the blanket too low and Ross didn’t have much padding to be a plush thing to hold, but it felt like a place they could rest at peace together. Neither particularly wanted to let go, even as the sun grew strong enough to light up the whole room. So, they kissed until they fell asleep. And when they woke up, they did so to kiss some more. Over and over, as the days passed, they ended up here again together, kissing, embracing, loving, so open and bare for the other to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, babes! Let me know what you think? >:3c

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Lemme know what you think pretty please? >:3c

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Then Make a Wish](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19125757) by [bowshocks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bowshocks/pseuds/bowshocks)




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